I spent my childhood watching soap operas that always ended with a happily ever after.
Since then, I've had a positive view of love. I saw that people meant for each other would be together no matter their struggles. I also grew up in a loving family, so for a long time, I knew I'd find my own "prince charming."
But weirdly enough, I don't have a typical love story. My then-classmate, now husband, liked me first. I rejected him three times before I said yes to a date with him. I went on this random date to "get it over with."
This month, we're celebrating our 10th year anniversary.
Here's what marrying my high school sweetheart taught me about being with "the one."
Your frequency needs to match
I never used to believe in the whole aura thing.
You know, how people say you have some energetic field, and you attract whatever frequency you're in. When you're in a low mood or low vibe, you attract sad things. And when you're in a high frequency, you attract positive things.
But as I've learned how I feel about the people I surround myself with, I'm starting to believe that.
Luckily for me, my husband and I have mostly similar frequency. I don't know what the exact numbers are, but most of the time, we have equal feelings about similar things.
Being in the same frequency with your partner means you see eye to eye on things.
You vibe, or you click well. And this is crucial for building a life together. If you aren't, you risk losing trust and respect with each other. And being with one is about having and maintaining mutual trust and respect.
An unwavering faith (in things working out)
When it comes to self-confidence, I have a lot of work to do in believing in myself.
But my partner believes so much in me that I wonder where all that faith comes from. And not only that, he also has an unwavering faith in life. He doesn't make 5-year to 10-year vision plan. He just knows that things will work out.
He's not one of those guys who's "chill" but doesn't have their life together.
On the contrary, he works as a senior data analyst in a local hospital and a co-founder of a healthcare tech start-up. Even though he doesn't have the entrepreneurial spirit like myself, he still manages to get his needs and desires with grace, even though there's no guarantee that things will work out.
He's teaching me how to be comfortable with life's uncertainty.
You want to be with someone who has faith in you, in himself, and the world that we live in. Without faith, life will be a constant worry. If you're both worriers, that's an even bigger problem.
Fireflies exist in your life (even after being together for so long)
Fireflies can make you giddy in real life.
The first time I saw a lot of them, I was on a Colombia trip. My friends and I had rented an Airbnb on a mountain, and on our way home, we saw the most beautiful fireflies I've ever seen. There were fireflies everywhere, but I didn't see them until it became dark at night. They sparkled as we walked past them.
When you've found the one, even during dark times, you will have moments of feeling that spark.
Even when we're angry at each other, my husband never fails to be a gentleman. He'll still drop me off at the door when I'm about to leave for work. And a lot of the times, fireflies exist in our ordinary life. For example, when we're cooking, and he start to dance bachata with me.
They seem simple, but those small moments very much count in the long run.
So ask yourself, are there fireflies?
They act like a rock
I don't know how my partner has managed to stay with me all these years.
I am the most indecisive person I know. Yet, every decision is supported even if he disagrees with them. For instance, after a couple of months of leaving my full-time nursing job, I thought about doing travel nursing.
I left nursing because I hated the environment, not the job itself. Hence, the alternative is to do nursing but with higher pay and travel along the way.
But during the process, I also confused myself even more by asking questions like, "should I go all-in on my YouTube channel, or should I go all-in on a coaching business?".
He's learned not to give me a specific answer because we know that only I have the answer.
Being a rock, I barely wonder, "will he judge me?". Instead, I feel comfortable making the wrong decision because I know he'll be there for me no matter what.
You want to be comfortable in making the wrong decision and know that he'll be there for you no matter what.
Life feels relatively easy
Since I've been self-employed, one of the things I realized is that we make our lives hard.
All the problems and struggles that we have, most of the time, is made up in our heads. And it's pretty exhausting. Sometimes, I'd tell my husband, "Ugh, I wish I could just stop worrying about this thing."
And he'd say, "hey, guess what, you can!"
And he's right. We live a comfortable life, and I have the privilege to worry less. He continuously teaches me how to live a simple life by choosing what to think and what to do.
You want to be with someone that makes life easy, and not hard.
I can't tell you if you've found the one.
I just know how being with the person I chose as "the one" makes me feel. I have many life worries, but I'm fortunate enough to be with a person I can count on no matter what. I never thought about what being married feels like, but it's a phase in my life that I genuinely enjoy.
Life sometimes pushes you around, but being with the one makes all the bad days worth it.
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